Past!

The years gone by but somehow remaining with me in memory of the days and events that took place, then. They are vivid, as vivid as some of the dreams that I dream on my particular bed, except that the dreams leave me within minutes of waking up, but not the events of those years ..

Troubled times come and when they come, it seems there shall be no way out ever. Its like the calling, a calling from the heavens screaming in inaudible silence of what one awaits for the morning of the next, and the anticipation of what shall be the horrific outcome. It hangs like the proverbial sword upon you, threatening the end, threatening the worst ever that could possibly happen. Then suddenly, without any fanfare and warning, there is a delightful turn and the brightness of the sun and its rays fill your interiors with that much longed for determination, to turn as it were the clock reversing all that the suffering may have drowned you with.

As you look back on the day’s of the past, you wonder whether what transpired actually did happen with you or about you. In better climes it seems not so overpoweringly frightful. The cliched ‘time is a healer’ plays repeatedly within you and it seemingly brings you to settled ease. But when it did happen it seemed never so … the darkness of the night, the black that one thought of in painting the walls of the home, the staring to the ceilings endlessly, at the fan or the light shade and hoping that some solution would come from those revolutions of the blade or the clinking of the glass beads on the lamp above.
But nothing comes … for nothing ever came from staring at your problem and your condition. Quite instinctively or perhaps defensively the pages that carry the daily horoscope in all magazines and news papers get visited several times in the day, hoping that some news of relief or solution may spring out of that horoscopic ‘balance’ that you search in the Capricorn.

There is a sudden interest in the palm of your hands, for they, you have learnt through several years, carry lines of fate that could decide your future your present, and the past you are really not interested in at the moment ..

Astrologers become your greatest friends, particularly those that paint glorious coming events for you. Stones, precious in their bearing, are resorted to with utmost belief. Size, quality and finger being given the most concerned interest. Your prayers become more determined and intense. What you did earlier as routine,  gets a hundred times greater attention now. Those that predict wellness become your closest ally ; the others, you do not even wish to merit a meeting.

Then one long awaited day, the oddities of those troubled years are looked back upon, and you wonder why was it that they had caused so much discomfort. Age seems to bring a certain confidence ; of staring at the issues right in the face and giving an untroubled answer or response. There is an abandon. An abandon that defies the spirit and the discomfort of those terrified times. How on earth did this happen, is a mystery that remains unresolved. And perhaps you wish that it remains so too .. !!

The outcome of such experience is the realisation of a guarded and care guided life. One that does not repeat those errors again. Not in any deliberate modality, but in some subconscious form.

That then is the learning. That then is the lessons you look for in well drafted quotations and sayings of the great. They are the ones that mean perhaps a lot more now than when you first encountered them. Time and other events have taken over. Taken over not so much with the intent of diluting the earlier past, but that the power of an earlier uncertainty, has been overtaken by the uncertainties of the present. And suddenly that which shall encounter you tomorrow bears greater fear …

You either learn or attempt to face it .. or run away from it …

I am tired of running … I’d rather stand square and face it now. It could hit me like a strong wave or powerful storm, dropping me where I once stood. But if I drop I shall have dropped, not run ..

Love to all...